What's Next Down The Line

For 2017, I welcomed the new year via a crappy YouTube live countdown (because what millennial has a TV with actual channels hooked up) that had about a 20 second delay. If that doesn't scream 2016, I don't know what will! At least I was with a solid group of people.

With all the memes that surfaced on Facebook, it seems like everyone was just about done with 2016. I, on the other hand, couldn't even wrap my head around the fact that Christmas was already over. I really have no hard feelings towards 2016, but a new year calls for a reflection blog post.

Me at the start of 2016 (pic by Jenn)

I'm happy to report that I succeeded 2/5 of my goals for last year. Progress is the theme and I'm obviously not killing it. I was planning to do a timeline graphic again but when it came time to jot things down, I didn't know how to lay it all out. Of course there were milestones: getting my first full-time job, quitting said job, traveling to Seattle, never having a weekend of rest since the month of October, and oh yeah, moving out with my boyfriend.

A lot has happened; 365 days has passed. If a lot didn't happen, I'd be concerned. Internally though, part of me has a hard time dealing with the feeling of what I consider to be "failing." It's not fun being in limbo while my friends are working and making good money. I'm very much for giving myself slack for not having everything figured out, but I'm only human and it's natural to worry about things like that.

But if we're continuing last year's goal of thinking more positively, here's my outlook on everything: I'm happier where I am than where I was a year ago. As long as I am consciously changing for the better, that's all that matters to me.

So what's next down the line for me?

1. Building my confidence. I never really thought I had an issue with confidence growing up. I was pretty self-assured in my academic abilities. I never cared too much about my appearance to let it define me. I think I've always let my passion and interest in fashion or work lead me. But after reading Estee Lalonde's book, Bloom, I realize confidence is more than your looks and being content with who you are physically. Your confidence is reflected in your relationships too.

She touched on her anxiety and depression and how her lack of confidence made it hard on her relationship sometimes. It struck a cord with me because I saw how I had the same thoughts in my past relationship too. I'm purposely vague because I like to keep that stuff private, but if you want to get a better idea or just want to sit down for a good leisurely read, I recommend giving Bloom a try. It's nothing too profound, so don't expect a literary masterpiece. It's just an easy, relatable book from a influencer I've always enjoyed watching on YouTube.

2. Find my voice. I've always been shy and never shared in group discussions at school. I like being in my head and spending most of my time in solitude. I'm a "listener," as my boyfriend would suggest.

I'm overcoming the idea that I can get by in a work space or friend gathering without speaking up. I've got to contribute and I've got to say something that matters if I'm going to bother showing up. Or else, why show up at all? Professionally, this has been a huge hurdle for me. Confidence is at play here too but now that I'm more aware and willing, it's something I hope to get past.

3. Invest in new lens or a better camera already. I literally just had a debate with Billy yesterday about what entails as a goal or resolution and something that you can purchase should not count. So I'm pretty much a hypocrite but please hold me accountable for taking more photos next year. A big reason why I haven't blogged this year was because I never took the time to take pictures. For once, I did a lot of cool things but can I show you them? No, because I didn't document it. If I didn't share any of it online, did it really happen?! Just kidding, I am not one of those people. Seriously speaking, sure I was living in the moment, but sometimes I'd like to revisit them too.

How we look at each other 90% of the time (captured by David)

Let's not get too ambitious and stop at three. If I got 2/5 last year, surely I can get 3/3 this year. #ProbabilityNotProbably. All I know is I've always had a good time standing next to this one and now we can add my (edit: our) dog to the picture too. Happy New Year!